Monday, September 2, 2013

Parenting, are you doing it right?


"You will always be a failure"  
"You will never reach your dreams"

Has anyone ever grew up with these two familiar lines - that you will never be great in life? I'm not too sure if this is an Asian parenting style that is suppose to serve as a motivation for the poor child to prove his/her parents wrong, but I think this has got to be one of the most painful mental abuse.

It burns into your head, leaving a permanent scar in your brain. And the symptoms varies from being self-destructive to as simple as being unable to accept any form of compliment.

"I think you're really pretty."
"Liar! Why would you say that?!" *pulls out an axe*

In Asia, people tend to bring up their children very differently. It can be:

- The ol' sugar CANE
("pain on your body, pain in my heart")

- Utterly horrible quotes
("you are boy, if you cry, you are girl, boy cannot cry" or "if you keep eating, nobody will love you")

- Grandparents style
(Spoil the grandchild until there is no return and child grows up to be a total disgrace, usually first grandson)

- Western style
( "you're grounded!" - good la, can play gameboy)

What most parents don't know is that what they do or say, is what the child grows up to be. A child is born like a pure white piece of paper, and as they grow up, everything is recorded on the paper.

Everything from "good job son!" to "you bastard child" makes the person.

Some parents does psychological harm without realising it. Many turned their backs too quickly as the child comes running, shutting the door behind them. And we wonder, what is wrong with society? -Why are there so many crazy people out there trying to kill each other, rapists and thieves, people who abuse and willingly abused, selfish people on the road, old folks dying alone in the care centres and new borns abandoned in bins? Why do people look for addictions, why are some people workaholics?

Parents argue that it is not their fault, that they cannot be 100% responsible. They blame it on the society, which actually is made up of people with parents too. They blame it on the government and the education system, also created by people with parents. They blame it on God, well good luck winning the case. But hey, if you bring a person into this world - that person is your responsibility. Her happiness and tears, her choice of words and actions and friends, people she finds comfort in, her relationship with God, her thinking and her character are all affected by the man and woman that created her in the very first place.

For those who are damaged, sometimes we just have to forgive our parents, and see the bigger picture. They probably didn't know better, or that was how they were brought up too. If they have already created the wound, we must let it heal - don't pass it on to the next generation.

Look to the future, it is what keeps me going.