What got me out of bed, discard my sob towel and take a long shower.
Realizing I smell like tears and sweat from nightmares. That I have been going to work in Fit Flops and pants, tied up hair and zero make up because my eyes were sore. Glasses and big loose tops.
The feeling of picking myself back up is awesome. Last Wed I cried and prayed the most in these 10 days or more. I think an angel yanked me out of bed and dragged me to the mirror.
My eyes were swollen with dark rings, I had greasy hair and untrimmed eyebrows. I opened my windows and felt unaccustomed to the breeze. I looked around and saw a lot to do.
Perhaps the best feeling was the long shower. For the first time after so many days, I felt hungry. I gobbled down dinner and my mother smiled.
Then I took these few days to clean up my room, do laundry, change bed sheets, colour my nails, tie up my curtains, run in the park and do my assignment.
Last night, I slept like a baby and woke up this morning without any recollection of painful dreams.
My heart still aches every now and then. But I think I can stop crying for awhile now.
Whenever I feel like crying again, I think back of the day when I sat in my clean room with wet hair and i'm wrapped in a towel. I took deep breathes, I smell my fruity shampoo and it felt good.
It's not the shampoo or the strawberry, perhaps it's simply feeling like I see the light again.
Fat and alone. Much like Bridget Jones in the beginning. But it's okay, she made it too.