Thursday, January 28, 2010

I miss home

It's the feeling of holding the umbrella under the rain and strolling back to my room after a meeting.

It's the feeling of kneeling down searching for my keys in my bag outside my locked door because the books are too heavy.

It is running your hands on the dirty wall to find the switch when the room is pitch dark.

It is looking at the light hopelessly when it just wouldn't switch on.

It is peeling your own bed sheet for laundry at a laundry shop, paying RM4.00 to the aunty when it's done. 

It's that awful worry about what is for dinner every night.

It's that wonder about how many more instant noodles could i still survive on.

It's that crap about forgetting to wash your last pair of clean socks when you wanna wear sneakers to class.

It's the drag of bringing myself to the clinic with bus no.4.

It's the squatting down at the great public water tank while scrubbing my lingerie and formal clothes.

It's the nights you go out without a curfew and you feel awesome till you miss a place to return to when the party is over.

It's the pressure of dividing your money to books, food, leisure and squinting when you see that pair of nice heels.

It is lying down and wondering what are your friends doing, back in the place where people cared.

It is buying your own pad, and actually pausing to consider the price and the pieces before throwing them into your basket.

It is an ultimate hole that cannot be filled, till you step down from the plane and inhale that KL polluted air.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Camera Phone. Mad random.

Having curry puffs for dinner. Bad idea. Cause it's yucky. Now my lips are sticky and i don't know why.

Anyway. I'm glad for people that comes through for me when i need them. =)

Here are some few pictures from my phone's camera. Totally random, no story sequence and bad picture quality.


Last slice of pizza nobody can finish. Even with The Tabasco. 

 I must be really happy that time.

Spot the hidden Chipsmore chocolate! 

There it is! 

 What, i already said it's totally random.

My missing N from my keyboard that i found caught in my umbrella. 
My Entrepreneurship Project. We made RM 300.  Awesome leh!

The lecturer's bungalow from my balcony view. 

Big also no use la. No water also what. Hahaha.

The only sister i have in the whole world. Yes la, she's fairer and have bigger eyes la.  

Her. =)

The horror. I was screaming till i fainted.

No effect on me. But i know a couple of social smokers that might mind.

Nice not?

I helped made. 

 Really la okay.

Doing henna in an Arabic counter by classmates. 

Not bad eh? Rm 4 nia.  

From bus mini no.4's view.

The night where there's no electricity and i have to pass up my homework tomorrow.

Inspiring words taken in the toilet of my church.

The most prettiest roses ever! 

From the inside of a mini cooper =) 

The glorious Pavilion where people awaits for the fake snow. 

Down pour the pretty "snow".

Out ran the people who found out it was soap foam. 

Korean cuisine. I love.

Radish Kimchi! THE BOMB.
A spoon. But it's actually chocolate. 

Super nice okay. From some funky country.  

No. 2 nephew. My heart. Nicholas. Cutest ever.

No. 1 nephew. My heart. Jonathan. Naughtiest ever. 

No. 3 monkey. This one looks like his upset cause i'm holding him so tight.

This is better =) This is Ivern baby. He's the loveliest of all. 

My Eeyore who sleeps with me every night. So ugly but i so love =)

The best thing about clubs in labuan. Entrance fee, RM 15. The most expensive because it was New Year's Eve. Normal days, RM 5. 

 Sorry. This is the best. Look at the bloody price for happy hour. And this is in a pub.

Hah.That's all. Thanks for your time.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Leave me alone

I feel pretty upset today.

Cause everything is going bad, down, horrible. Fuckalulu.

I can't help but to wish to be in someone else' shoes.

People that i thought i could trust and confide in just showed me such a shocking side. Words that i never imagined will come out from their mouth i hear, tears that i never thought would be caused by them i drip.

This whole lecturer thing ain't over yet.

And me being a slut that invited this problem is becoming a major hit.

In the end, i was told i have a personality problem.

I guess i do. 

I think i want a brand new life. And say goodbye to all these problems and people that i know. I don't mind starting my degree course fresh from the start. Maybe i could leave and go to a new country, meet new people, have a new roommate or i could stay alone.

I could start studying from scratch. Work my way through studying.

I could look for a job when i graduated.

Awhile later, pay for my own car and rent a better room.

Maybe i'll meet someone. Who never heard of my past and doesn't want to know why i ran away as long as i'm with him.

And then a new life will begin again.

I could then draw till my eyes hurt, play the guitar till my fingers hurt. Take up cooking lessons and make cookies everyday for my family. I could have my own art studio.

I could.

But i couldn't. How sad.

I feel better now at least. Compared to when i typed the first few words and i was crying. Because i've got a dream now. It's impossible to catch though. But at least it doesn't judge me.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I missed church today and i lied to mummy that i went.

I missed church again this week. Because i was out late last night. Am i really going over the border?

Church should never be missed. That was what i was taught growing up. But then for almost a year in that awful Tangkak small shit town located near the border of Malacca and Johore, i missed it.

Then i came to Uni. In this awful shit island Labuan with no water. And i started going again.

Now, i've found clubbing and karaoke kakis, drinking buddies and fun people that likes to go out on Saturday nights.

Not to mentioned, i'm single and nobody is there to report to. Hah.

Which MEANS! >> No church on Sunday morning. =/

Or i could try to stay awake in church, but then that's just being half hearted.

OH well.

I promise to go next week. I promise i promise i promise.

Thanks you guys. I didn't know you guys read my blog. And that lecturer messaged me again yesterday evening, seems to be annoyed that i didn't reply or pick up his call. Maybe i should get a guy to pick up, so he'll get the hint.

But i so don't wanna fail. =/


Life kindda sucks doesn't it? I'm hungry like mad now.

It's amazing how i can eat so much and still be so hungry.

If only the words were, it's amazing how i can eat so much and still be so thin. Haha.

Have you guys met Ba? He's in Chee Ping's blog. I think he's really cool. Sometimes Ba would scratch his groin. Awesome.

Who are you showmercy? Tze Hsien arh. Should be lerrr. 

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Homework is depressing.

*cough cough*

Beh tahan man. Na beh, till now still coughing.

Maybe that's because i went clubbing last night and had too many drinks.


At least i exercised?

Anyway, i'm suppose to choose a current issue in human resource management and present it during tutorial class. Wondering if i'm suppose to present about something boring like recruitment or something a lil bit more spicy like boss and employee sex. What, it's still human resource what. Oh hell yeah it's management.

Last night was the first time i puked after drinking.

High five anyone?

It's bad to have Martell, Bacardi and Tequila down your throat. And even worse to down it all with beer.

I'm going to be sooo fat.

Probably gonna end my life single, broke, saggy boobs and one fat ugly beer belly.

Sigh, well at least the single part sounds not too bad. Unless i meet someone that's my Mr. Right =)

When is that ever going to happen?

Anyway, i'm not sure if i should take JLPT level 3 this year. It's going to be an extra 3 hours every week for the whole year + two mad intensive course weeks during December. Just the reason why i came back late last holiday and spent whole less time with Vincent, Vivian, A ma and others.

But then i was praying just now, and i realized that i knew the answer all along. =)

Sometimes i don't know when i rant on my blog like this do people read. But i know a few that does. And sometimes i wonder why. And i wonder why i bother to read other people's blog too. I guess that concludes that we are all san pat people with nothing better to do online.

Back to trying to do my homework now. Homework. Sigh. The word itself looks depressing like hell. 

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Cough syrup is delicious

Are you guys watching Autumn's Concerto (下一站,幸福。) ? 

Cause it's sooooo nice. I super like.

I've been so sick these days. With my nose blocked and coughing through the nights. Can die. Went to the doctors two days ago, begging for antibiotics and a non-drowsy cough medicine. The doctor so funny, use the torchlight to shine on my pimple and tell me not to scratch it. Warned me about having a scar later some more.

I've tasted the most delicious cough syrup in my entire life. I'm serious. It's so yummy!

See. I purposely downloaded this image from Google so that i can share this joy with you. I don't mind taking it 1000 times a day. Of course that means i have to be very very sick, so i don't want to.


I really really need my exercise. So when shall be the next time i club? Hmmm.

Oh .. and as of right now at this very moment. My hostel has run out of water... =/

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Baby darling Vivian

Don't really have a newer picture of us. Or a lot of picture of us.

But my heart and my mind has your name and impressions tattooed and drawn all over it.

I love you to death.

Upon seeing those pictures, it almost made me cry.

Because it struck me so hard,

that i could loose you that easily.

And all that we have could be gone like that.

And knowing that you're alive,

makes me wanna pray for you more each day.

You know how much you mean to me baby,

how much we share in common.

It's impossible to find another twin like you,

and i'd give my life for you anytime.

I love you.

Be strong, and take courage.