Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Leave me alone

I feel pretty upset today.

Cause everything is going bad, down, horrible. Fuckalulu.

I can't help but to wish to be in someone else' shoes.

People that i thought i could trust and confide in just showed me such a shocking side. Words that i never imagined will come out from their mouth i hear, tears that i never thought would be caused by them i drip.

This whole lecturer thing ain't over yet.

And me being a slut that invited this problem is becoming a major hit.

In the end, i was told i have a personality problem.

I guess i do. 

I think i want a brand new life. And say goodbye to all these problems and people that i know. I don't mind starting my degree course fresh from the start. Maybe i could leave and go to a new country, meet new people, have a new roommate or i could stay alone.

I could start studying from scratch. Work my way through studying.

I could look for a job when i graduated.

Awhile later, pay for my own car and rent a better room.

Maybe i'll meet someone. Who never heard of my past and doesn't want to know why i ran away as long as i'm with him.

And then a new life will begin again.

I could then draw till my eyes hurt, play the guitar till my fingers hurt. Take up cooking lessons and make cookies everyday for my family. I could have my own art studio.

I could.

But i couldn't. How sad.

I feel better now at least. Compared to when i typed the first few words and i was crying. Because i've got a dream now. It's impossible to catch though. But at least it doesn't judge me.