I feel pretty upset today.
Cause everything is going bad, down, horrible. Fuckalulu.
I can't help but to wish to be in someone else' shoes.
People that i thought i could trust and confide in just showed me such a shocking side. Words that i never imagined will come out from their mouth i hear, tears that i never thought would be caused by them i drip.
This whole lecturer thing ain't over yet.
And me being a slut that invited this problem is becoming a major hit.
In the end, i was told i have a personality problem.
I guess i do.
I think i want a brand new life. And say goodbye to all these problems and people that i know. I don't mind starting my degree course fresh from the start. Maybe i could leave and go to a new country, meet new people, have a new roommate or i could stay alone.
I could start studying from scratch. Work my way through studying.
I could look for a job when i graduated.
Awhile later, pay for my own car and rent a better room.
Maybe i'll meet someone. Who never heard of my past and doesn't want to know why i ran away as long as i'm with him.
And then a new life will begin again.
I could then draw till my eyes hurt, play the guitar till my fingers hurt. Take up cooking lessons and make cookies everyday for my family. I could have my own art studio.
But i couldn't. How sad.
I feel better now at least. Compared to when i typed the first few words and i was crying. Because i've got a dream now. It's impossible to catch though. But at least it doesn't judge me.